Monday, December 14, 2009

Do me a favor, pull me out.

I detest dwelling in places which I have no destination nor direction.
But I was left wandering in this desert, blindfolded.
Please unlock me from this waiting-cage.
Please, send me home, out from this desert.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Let me warm your cold feet with my humble skirt.

Lingering chimes every time I step my feet on the ground.
The cold dawn breeze blew through every strands of my brunette hair.
At that instance, it was cold but I felt warm and my blood triggered a blush.
It felt like summer.
Thou it has long gone, but the warmth of that bygone temperate summer would sometimes, sometimes, coat me in this winter.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Der Vorleser

The movie is admirably brilliant.
Currently yearning for the book.


**update on 12 Feb 2010:
got my hands on the book! :D
uber stoked to finish it!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A being, being reckless.

This is related to my previous post here.
Since then, plans had been taking off smoothly on the highway. But now, let's just say that this car is continuing its journey on a gravel road.
The current state I'm in, expose this mind-book to a full chapter of unwise thinking that are capable of luring me easily into unwise actions.
Luckily enough, unwise actions I have not done. Its a struggle, as feelings of giving up, if put in a pot, are boiling at its highest point.
Even in all these, I know that I am going to do just fine as I know that I can depend to the One that would never disappoint and abandon. I am indeed very grateful and thankful.
Life of me now has opened my eyes. Made me realise things take I took for granted when I was so caught up with happiness that are proven bogus.
Therefore, I have no time to be in vain, no time to be unfaithful, no time to be proud. As only absurd human repeat their mistakes.
I know that Thy wants what is best.

Adieu almost-lover. Would ye always be missed?

Your fingertips across my skin. The palm trees swaying in the wind.
Images.
You sang me Spanish lullabies.The sweetest sadness in your eyes.
Clever trick.
We walked along a crowded street.You took my hand and danced with me.
Images.
And when you left you kissed my lips.You told me you'd never ever forget these images.
No.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean.
I cannot drive the streets at night.
I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind.
So you're gone and I'm haunted.
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye my almost lover.
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you.
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you.

I should've known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Betwixt Ye and I

Bring me. Take me. Direct me. Lead me. Guide me.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

To dwell in what is well.

Lord, free me from this feeling would You?
I despise this feeling that tells me I'm somewhat responsible to ensure that the man is fine. Sigh.
If I were to listen to human pride, I won’t be bothered to even bother.
But I listen to my intuition of what’s right, and spilled the news to the man.
I’ve done my part. My role has ended.
I should now take care of myself and make sure that I am alright.
But why do I still feel what I presently feel?
Why do I worry about the man, whom is mute towards me, whom is adult and matured enough to understand and take care of himself? I have no answer.
Yes readers, I am slightly foolish I supposed.
Perhaps my human nature is to be blame, for I am the type of human who tends to treat people with a good manner even when they don't necessarily deserve it. And don't mention sympathy as I sympathize very easily.
But what’s done is done. I’m sure he’s going to be just fine. I wish nothing but good for the man.

And still Lord, this feeling I don’t approve. Help seize it. Amen
.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I yearn thee, solace.

It's been exactly a month since I was trapped in a torpedo of depression and sorrow.
Now exhausted, I'm leaving that storm and wander far from it and find solace.
This heaviness, it would get lighter.
Those hard feelings, let there not be any.
We as foe? I certainly want us to shun away from that.
Friends are always better than foe, yes?

Like a kid, I'm running towards that nonviolent, sereneful fresh air I freed myself to.


"Time heals; time flies; time healed" - septemberlanguage

Monday, July 6, 2009

You 're draining every bits of positive molecules left.

How patient I was.
How tolerate I was.
How understanding I was.
How SANE I was.
and why on mother earth do I deserve this?
What do you take me for?
I was taken aback.

How unacceptable.

You 're draining every bits of positive molecules left in me.
You seriously are.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Where's the untrue to this?

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hairs.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes. Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not the facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman, with passing years-only grows."


answer: none, all is truthful and exact.

Monday, April 20, 2009

time, how great the dissapointment.

Weighing I down.
Drowning I deep.
Deep and down, my present long-time blissfulness now lessen.
That talk, my intuition alarmed I shouldn't. But the head is a stubborn head, that stubbornly ignores the dearest intuition.
From that being done, I got the truth. And true, that truth are thou not always pleasant , but it has made me content.
Thee said time would tell. If that's the case, time, you have failed me completely. Whenever this ear hears clock ticks, I am being reminded of what I despise, which is time itself.
Waiting was said to be a dread. I apologies if to cause you that.
But only situation and human nature are entirely to be blame. As I take too long and thee has patience of a baby with his milk.

Decided to only start thinking after the encounter of you and I, to see whether it was still the same before and after. The anticipation came to an end at last. The moment still swims freshly in my pool of mind.
At that present time, all I got are crisscross signs, where it pulled me to again extend the time where I am finally to be sure.
Time played a dirty game and look what it has done. How heavy.

Wish the best for us, individually.
Somehow, now and then the devil relentlessly whispers to persuade, so that I would wish things be better for me and not to you. But following the wish of a devil is a sin and sin I shall not.
We ought to surrender everything to time, despite my abhorrence towards it, I give in.
So yes, time would tell.




Friday, April 17, 2009

ill-fated

The things that I have feared, since that one incident, had occurred.
I know sooner or later it would come, it's just a matter of when.
Forced and told myself to believe that this doesn't affect me is a self-lie and total nonsense.
Lying is never my best qualities, thus my mind shouldn't be obligated to trust such a lie.


But I personally think that things are at it's best. It just happened without planned so I am convinced this is how things are supposed to be. I'm going to let this be a life lesson/experience that we fellow human beings will somehow undergo to gain a thing or two and also to acknowledge ourselves with the different categories of people that we may bump into during our period of living.
Even though I can't deny this melancholy feeling but not all good things are meant to end happy.
Furthermore, this wasn't a sorrowful lost as I have certain dissatisfaction, well not exactly dissatisfaction but more like a discontentment of how you acted and handled certain situations that did hurt me in a way , which I'm very darn sure you aren't aware of.


But none of this matter anymore aye? I can see that we are comfortable and more okay this way.
Yes friend, after 2 years of friendship, without a closure, we have moved on. I moved on.
And if you read this, which I bet you would, let it be tomorrow or next week or next month or even next year, don't bother to do anything about it as this is not something to draw your attention but it's rather just me venting out my thoughts/feelings and also as a reminder incase I forget.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

stoked? extremely.


Feed yourself here


update**

Watched the movie after waiting for almost half a year is a great contentment.

The movie, it does make me think of myself, my family, my friends, acquaintances, people who I passed by every day at the pavement, the person whom I sit next to in the bus and it even got me wondering about him who sat beside me in the cinema. In the dark room, filled with people, with only screen - lights glowing on our faces, my mind concentrated on both thinking and watching. For a moment I felt as if it was only I who was watching this movie and as if it it was only I that worry if this fiction that I'm watching would turn into a reality that we will all soon (maybe) witness.

worry, worry.

Its not just about a movie, its the bigger picture.




Friday, April 3, 2009

Tofu earth

A fragile, vulnerable earth.
Like a mother that take cares and nurture her kids, but in the end abandoned.
Whom gives and provides too much, but too often gets nothing in return.
But lucky that not all human beings are born with such ignorant attitude.
Our country had recently, for the first time, joined something that started in sydney about 2 years ago.
Here, the support weren't much visible. Tolerable for any new comer, but hope people would be more concern next time.
Now that it's becoming something worldwide, the earth can now smile a little and relax a little.


1 week before:





8.30pm



Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Continuation to an abandoned journey

It was God's willing on how everything just fell into places perfectly on that beautiful day before Sabbath. Attended revo for the 1st time during its 2nd tour in town. Knew about it last time, but I couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge myself with any single little info about it.
But last Saturday, I, who use to ignore, was there.
Funny how something that only lasted for a few hours can make me flash back and rethink my life of 20years.
That day my happiness was different. It binds with the feeling of extreme contentment, bliss, enjoyment, satisfaction, and definitely peace.







Recommitting? I am.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

updatesy dursy

Last weekend till today had been a really incredible and fun one.
Last Saturday was sxa show, didn't think that I'll make it to the show as working is in the way.
Texted Laura right after I finished work, Laura, Nana and I ended up taking the bus to tuaran. All I can tell u that it was such a dreadfull ride from kk till tuaran. The bus was moving reaaaaallll slow, we're late and we missed quite alot of bands, and it was raining heavily. Hope that the rain would stop when we arrived at the bus stop, but it got worse.
Luckily the rain got a little bit soft-hearted with us when kelek arrived to pick us up, atleast we dont have to go to the car wet. Atlast, we've made it to the venue. We only managed to watch a few bands as we were late, incredibly fashionably late. bhaha
Anyway, sxa and escape the plainview sets are 110% good, no doubts. good good good!
Went home after the show and went out again around 1am, hangout and met everybody then head to the airport to send sxa and jeremy.
jeremy, i'll see you and the sweater in 2months time!
sxa, great show and hope to see you guys again.

Arrived home around 7am from the airport, then head straight to work after that.
Luckily I was assigned to go to the islands. Not much work to do there, which is great as I am incredibly exhausted and sleepy that morning till the extend where I almost dooze-off by the time I'm at the 2nd island.
Hope my guest from czech republic didnt notice my sleepiness and puffy eyes when we were talking about rafflesia and mushrooms. haha
Sent them off to their hotel around 4pm then head back home and sleep.






Gonna continue bout my week soon. soon soon monsoon~!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

At peace

Just arrived home from an oh-so-amazing trip, one which I haven't had for a long time and one that I surely need.
Went to explore the new KKIA after sushi with the bunch of beloved wackos. It's hilarious how the airport made us all excited, we keep imagining ourselves actually traveling together and waiting for our departure while looking at the arrival and departure screen. haha. I'm really dying to be in that day where it would really happen. Well soon it will, soon.
After KKIA we head to, what we call the end of the world.
A dead-end of a road to be specific, it's a quiet and consoling place. And just after that road, lies the ocean. The place has no lights whatsoever, but thanks to tonite's full moon, we have sufficient light. hoho.
The colour of the ocean and the sky are almost impossible to tell apart. The horizons are nearly invisible, it's like staring into an endless space.
It totally was calming just to hear the sound of the ocean hitting the rocks while sitting on the rocks chilling and talking.
Definitely what I desperately need after all these long busy days of mine.
Went to other bunch of places after that. All in all, I am now calmer, relaxed and very content. Oh and definitely sleepy. Think I better put myself to sleep now.
Good night wanderers.



A resemblance of what I saw.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Hope tomorrow would too.

I feel incredibly cheerful and delighted at the moment.
For no apparent reason. Not because of why, who or what.
So yea, just to inform. Hoho.
Ciao ciao!


p/s: And yes fair maiden, 100% confirmed. haha

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

No longer anywhere

In some sense, I felt invisible and being pushed away.
Intentionally or unintentionally, it doesnt matter. Same shit.
Don't wanna try no more. I'm just letting things be like how it is right now.

If things get better, I'll be grateful.
If things get worse, I'll just blame my luck.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Focused yet indesicive

Hello hello familiar place, been so long since my last visit.
As usual, I'm pretty caught up with some stuff in my life and I barely have sufficient me-time.
But I'm not complaining. I'm starting to like it. heh
Today was somewhat a good day to break free from my boring routine, become a sit-in guide for the most adorable family I've ever seen.
Ms Peng, from China came to Sabah with her most lovable parents. We couldn't stop talking from the moment we left the airport. What friendly people they are. Waiting for them about 30minutes in the arrival hall seems like the smallest matter, despite the fact that I hate hate hate waiting. Especially in situations where I have to stand and wait at the same time. I really hate waiting. Did I mentioned that I hate waiting? Grah
After their city tour, dinner and helping them to check into their hotel, it's time for me to head home.
Hope they would enjoy their one week stay here.

Okay back to the main point, have you ever had a clear long-term plan on what you ought to do with your life that eventually makes you feel so damn determined and focused to make it happen however whenever? I'm sure you do.
I am right now.
Strongly focused with will and determination as big as the ocean to accomplish all the things that I had planned, built and pictured in my head for myself.
But in that driven will, determination, focus and certainty, lies a big chunk of indecisiveness.
Somewhere in that big plan of mine, I still can't decide clearly about certain things. Things that could effect the whole so-called clear plan. Urgh.
I could throw my plans aside but NO, I wont. In my whole life, this is the time where I seriously want to dump my serious procrastinating problems away for good. Don't want this to be another plan undone.
I'm now starting the first step. Lets just hope everything goes well from there.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

illuminated


"I will describe my eyes and then begin the story.

My eyes are blue and resplendent.
Now I will begin the story."



"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy.
And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach.
By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone.
By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness.
I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad.

I am not sad. I am not sad.

Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness,
insofar as it was an empty white room.
He
would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed,
like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all.

And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping.
And by the mid afternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else.

I am not sad."

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Awfully discontent

I'm getting lazier minute after minute.
My sense of rensposibility is slacking day by day.
The enthusiasm has long gone.
I'm being ignorant towards important things including myself.

Feelings of lack-ness.
I want to procrastinate everything.
All the many more reasons to be discontent.


Saturday's here, I might be 1% content.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This infatuation..

This thing towards thee leaves as fast and easily as it comes.
But it keeps coming back.
Uncertainty or just something to fill me up when I'm feeling empty?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Chinese flavored #2

Been hearing firecrackers since 6pm yesterday but nothing tops the fireworks at 12am. Not even the new year bout a month ago. The fireworks that lasted for 30minutes was everywhere.
Makes me miss everybody in Malacca. Playing carom,bingo AND washing mama's longkang. haha. Would really hope to go back next year.
So, it's good to know that the year of the ox are welcomed in such a merry way.
Hope the ox year would really bring good fortune to everybody like Lilian Too said.
Click here, on how to enhance your luck on the year of the ox 2009! hahaha

GONG XI FA CAI!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Chinese flavored #1

After having what we called "Tuan Yuan Fan", house-cleaning was the next thing to do on the preparation-before-cny checklist.
And after all those tiring scrubbing and cleaning, I'm still darn full. Thanks to daddy, the chef who rarely cooks, was the one who prepared dinner this year. Uncontrollably, we over-stuffed ourselves. heh
Gonna go now, have to wake up early tomorrow for tea ceremony.
Goodnight and don't sweep your house after 12am. bhaha

Ba lai lai, sek-fan pictures:





Thursday, January 22, 2009

Barrels of fire.

Thick layers of hatred to the place and situation I'm in right now at this moment.
I'm trap in a space where my real capabilities are forced to stay-in, locked and rot.

Monday, January 19, 2009

How absurd

Not a fan of hypocrisy aye hypocrite? My oh my.
Like they say, "As you saw, so shall you reap"
Karma finally kicked in all by itself.
All this loathe of mine are pleased.
I may forgive easily but not in the case to forget.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

Title? Can't think of any.

Been real busy with my practical lately.
Worked for so called office hours aint so office hour-ish afterall.
Finish work at 7 darn pm every day. I could have done many things in that extra 2 hours at work.
So my daily routine now is to wake up early every morning, head to work, come home after work, have dinner and go to bed early. Totally different from what I was used to. But nevermind, I'm starting to get the hang of it.
Was about to head to dreamland early last night but I ditched my daily routine and went out.
After fetching me up, Apis and i met up a few more friends and the five of us went midnight-bowling.
Very funnnnn and I demand a rematch. asap!
Went somewhere for a drink after that. And what a small world indeed, I stumbled upon an individual whom I abhor deeply with IT's recent joke.

Ba enough bout last night.
We are now 2 weeks in 2009 and there is yet questions from people about what my new year resolution is. Sorry, I dont have any. I've never been the one who does resolutions in the past, and if i do make any, I prefer doing it on May or Jun or during my birthday perhaps.
But why the rush for new resolutions, because theres a big possibility that it would end up not resoluted.
Kamurang pun gitu kan? Jangan tambirang. heh

Speaking bout new years, CNY is around the corner. Won't be going back to Malacca this year.
Would definitely miss everybody and the tons of good food T_T



Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The great escape

Went to Keningau for the 2nd time bout 2weeks ago.
Just got em pictures recently, that's why this wasn't posted earlier.
Sorry for the delay. haha
Pictures might not be the clearest nor the prettiest but it doesn't matter. It's not that, that counts.

First dinner.







Thanks Mijul for the pictures :)

This time, I went to more places, did more things, met more people and over spent a little. haha. But I definitely went back to kk as a much happier person.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Hail 2009

Just got back home, my new year's celebration was.. Let's just say that the last day of 2008 doesn't kick off or gave me the instant happiness nor excitement but everything turns out perfectly when the clock is ticking nearer to midnight.
Checked in a condotel (condominium + hotel) with Christine and friends. Hours before, we wasted our time playing board/card games (not my idea of fun, but it turned out pretty entertaining), ps2 and a whole bunch of yapping.
Prolly at 11.45pm, we walked to the beach , not tanjung aru, and waited for the clock to strike 12.
Didn't actually do the countdown, as everybody's watches and handphones showed different time. So yea, we figured out it was the new years when we saw fireworks from afar. Was quite sad though as we can only see small fireworks as it was quite a distance from us. Wasn't really excited at that time as i didn't feel the new year-ish blood/adrenalin rush or excitement. Whatever you inviduals call it.

Then out of the blue, one of our friend brought 3boxes of fireworks and you can pretty much guess what happened next. Laughed, shouted and got all excited. At that moment, I was happy and that temporary sore throat, which thank God disappeared the next morning, doesn't seem to bother me at all. FYI ah, sore throat makes me complaint a lot and moody usually. wakaka
Went back to the apartment after that, was planning to go swimming like at 5am but i guessed watching Friends on the laptop doozed me off.

Checked out from the condo slash hotel this morning, went for brunch and now here I am at home.
There, some pictures from last night.
Till then, chalo bete homosapiensssssssssssssss!


Hours before.


Mind u, serioso faso.


Andrea: "strategy, strategy"



Before, during and after 12am.

Yes, this is the amount of people we fit in that one condo.






gahhh

The next morning. Say hi to smokin hot David, laydehs.